Today is a day to embrace change. We are saying goodbye to a year that has not been very wonderful for many of us. In fact, for more than just some, 2020 marks a dark spot in our personal history as well as that of our families and communities. We have been living through the worst pandemic of recent generations, and it does not show signs of letting up any time soon. We may have lost loved ones. We, ourselves may have become ill and experienced the fear of not knowing for certain how it was going to play out. Job loss and increased anxiety and depression have hit too close to home for many of us. We would like to leave 2020 behind us, now.
Several weeks ago we celebrated the December full moon. To the Lakota people, this is the Tahecapsun Wi, or Moon of Shedding Horns. It is a time when the people historically experienced the coldest of the winter, but also saw the renewal in [i] We have an opportunity to shed the old to make way for the new, and to see the year to come with new, healthier eyes. The kind of year I am going to have is being determined now as I stand on the threshold between 2020 and 2021.
No matter how we are feeling at this moment, I propose that we are on the edge of something spectacular. We are about to step onto the threshold into new possibilities and potentials. We are indeed on the threshold to greatness. But to get there, we need to step forward. Stepping through the threshold to something new takes preparation, courage, and focus. I have learned that if I do not plan, the threshold becomes a place of crippling chaos.
Letting go of the old to make room for the new
I once had a manager who prided herself in the phrase, “If you need to make more than one trip, then you’re packing too much.” That has always been my thinking with hauling things in and out of the house. For example, I do not like taking more than one trip when moving groceries from the car to my house. I load up both arms to the point of barely being able to close the car door. I feel confident to get everything into the house, only to arrive at the closed doorway and struggle to open it or get through. Inevitably, I end up having to let go of some of the groceries. Crossing the threshold of change is the same way. I need to pause of the threshold and consider what I will leave behind and what I will take with me. If I insist on taking it all with me, I am likely to cripple myself, in a manner of speaking. What I mean is, if my arms are full when I pass over the threshold of change into a new opportunity, there is no room for me to receive the new things I will require to succeed. Letting go of the old things that will not serve me on the other side is a healthy and necessary step to crossing the threshold.
I often practice the threshold pause as “pitching my tent.” When I am in a threshold situation, I stop to contemplate my actions, attitudes, behaviours, and beliefs. When I “pitch my tent,” it becomes a sanctuary where I invite the Divine to join me in sacred dialogue. As mentors and elders come to mind, I also invite them to join me in dialogue. As I contemplate what has been, what is now, and what is to come, I do so while surrounded by a community of wise people who guide me so I can step forward in a good way.
The threshold is a place of decision, as we cannot remain on the threshold. There are three threshold choices that determine the direction which we will step. These three directions are backwards, forwards, or away. Statistically speaking, there is a third-third-third principle that applies to these three steps.
There are three threshold choices that determine the direction which we will step. These three directions are backwards, forwards, or away.
1. Stepping Backwards
First, I have observed people stepping backwards, away from the change. Stepping backwards happens for many reasons, the most common of which is fear. The most common fears I have experienced on the threshold are uncertainty, loss of freedom, being judged, and rejection.[ii]
Fear of uncertainty is no stranger to Edgewalkers. We face uncertainty on a regular basis. In fact, some of us even look for it as the dark shadow where a new, never-before-seen possibility may lie. Although uncertainties lie across the threshold, I am still certain of many things that I carry with me. These things encourage me in the face of uncertainty. Fifteen months ago, I had an opportunity to step into a new role in my organization. I believed it would strengthen some of my skills that had become weak over time. Although the term was only for one year, I accepted the challenge. The result has been a host of successes that would not have otherwise happened, and an opportunity to chart uncharted waters for my organization as a true Edgewalker.
As the one-year term was coming to an end, senior managers offered me the opportunity to remain in the position longer to continue the work I had begun. I was uncertain of what I should do and was about to choose stepping backwards into my previous position. I pitched my tent and offered space to the same mentor who I consulted before accepting the opportunity one year earlier. I shared my uncertainties, which included the disappointments I had experienced in the past year (mostly due to my own unrealistic expectations), as well as the uncertainty of the longevity of the position because of the ongoing pandemic-related impacts on the organization. My mentor pointed out to me that these are all fear-based anxieties, and that the same reasons I chose to accept the position still exist, as do my previous and newly acquired skills. In the end, I chose to accept the ongoing opportunity and remain in this ground-breaking position and continue to find ways to initiate positive change.
Fear of loss of freedom takes many different forms. We build this fear upon a mountain of past personal losses or those observed in others who have walked similar paths. These losses stand as a side mirror for us; therefore, it is critical that we uncover these losses with mentors and skilled guides so we can discover what they have to tell us.
One of the unavoidable truths about transition is that it carries with it a host of losses and gains. Fearing the loss of freedom stems from our own perceptions of our individual realities. For example, I once had to pause on the threshold of having an in-scope position and moving to an out-of-scope position. One of the in-scope benefits was having every second Friday off. When I was seeking a mentor’s advice, I realized that the main reason I wanted to go out-of-scope was so I was better situated to make decisions that could create positive change. That level of decision-making was an elusive freedom because of the organizational structure. In the end, this freedom was more important to me than every second Friday off. The freedoms I held as most important at least partially influenced my decision. I chose to step forward into the out-of-scope position because the gains outweighed the losses.
Fear of being judged is brought about by the self-perception that no matter what I am stepping into, I need to be perfect the first time and prove myself. Yet, the road to success is built upon a mountain of failures that we turn into new wisdom. Over the years, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that I am my own worst critic and my own worst enemy when it comes to self-imposed expectations. I repeatedly give myself unrealistic timelines and expectations to live up to. I believe in creating the space for others to grow into their potential, but I tend not to make the same allowance for myself.
For anyone who struggles with self-imposed expectations, I suggest that in the process of unwrapping what this fear has to say we be cautious of the environment we are stepping into. If it is a judgmental environment, then perhaps this is the wrong doorway. If it is a self-imposed, false notion, then we have an opportunity to step back, take a breath, and give ourselves a little freedom to grow into the possibilities before us.
Fear of rejection – we have all felt it at one time or another. Perhaps it was in a relationship, job opportunity, or pursuit of an educational opportunity. Rejection hurts but is a truth in life. I have learned that rejection is an opportunity to recognize consider the place of “best fit” as I consider stepping across the threshold.
I recall a time when I was moving up the management ladder. I interviewed for a regional manager position. I thought I had done well in the interview, but I was not the successful candidate. I asked one of the interviewers what I “did wrong” in the interview. She turned my question around and asked if I would like some feedback. What followed was a discussion about my strengths and weaknesses. We equally shared what we both see in me and talked about where I feel my strengths would fit best. In the end, I had a list of things to work on to reach my goals. The result was that what began as a sense of rejection became an opportunity to live into. The next time I interviewed, I had practiced those things and got the job. Instead of fearing rejection, I focused on considering if this was the right fit for me. Afterwards, the same interviewer (who was also now my mentor) said that my demonstrated ability to listen to her wisdom and follow through on self-improvement held a great deal of merit in their decision. Even more, we both agreed that this time the job was the perfect fit for me.
In my next article, I will be discussing steps to overcome these fears that prevent us from stepping forward.
I would like to emphasize that stepping backwards is not necessarily negative. It only becomes detrimental if I step backwards because I become gripped by fear. I recently experienced stepping backwards instead of crossing the threshold when I realized that a job offer would result in my stepping into a new role that was not in alignment with my core values. This is an example of stepping back for the right reasons.
2. Stepping Forwards
I have learned that the threshold is a place of inner choices. I cannot cross the threshold working 60-hour weeks, because I must practice inner-solitude and deep personal reflection to make the right choices. As I previously mentioned, my experience tells me that part of successfully stepping forward requires a mystical experience of meeting my inner, spiritual self and the Divine power that created me. Only by understanding my core values and deeper purpose can I know for sure how to step forward.
“Do not be afraid to go through the narrow gate: new life awaits you.”
– Joyce Rupp
In the same way I need to practice this inner-solitude, I also need to engage my mentor(s). In 2010, I had the opportunity to cross a major threshold in my career. It took many conversations with my mentors. Whenever I started expressing resistance or self-doubt, they would counter it with positive thinking that could move me forward. We focused a great deal on attributes such as awareness of self and others, my sense of purpose and calling, realizing that I am part of something bigger than myself, and discerning what I need to do in preparation to step forward. Joyce Rupp said, “Do not be afraid to go through the narrow gate: new life awaits you.”[iii] She is referring to the journey inward to self-discovery – the necessary journey to discover personal core values that will help guide threshold decisions.
Sometimes stepping forward may be perceived by some as stepping away, or escaping from our circumstances. An Edgewalker whom I know well was once part of an organization where her skills and abilities were continuously overlooked and she received many mixed messages regarding her deliverables and the quality of her work. Although she asked for clarification and feedback, little was given. She took matters into her own hands and chose to leave that organization for the sake of her own wellness. Although her future was uncertain, she stepped into a world of unlimited horizons due to her long list of transferable skills. She is now a successful, sought-after consultant.
Fellow-Edgewalkers recognize that her actions were a step forward, not a step away. So, what does stepping away really look like?
3. Stepping Away
As Edgewalkers, we carry with us the risk that we will eventually feel like we do not belong or fit into the organization where we work or volunteer our time. This is neither good or bad in itself, but is a reality for at least some people. One of the things we may experience as we reflect on our threshold circumstances is that stepping backwards or forwards no longer serve us. When this happens, I have seen fellow Edgewalkers step away from the organization altogether. More than just a few have embraced their true values and chosen to follow the dream to become entrepreneurs or consultants. But even this step away is not truly what I am talking about, because I still consider these decisions to be a step forward.
When I talk about stepping away, I am referring to those who have been let down, disenchanted, and disillusioned by their organizations through internal processes or personalities that seem to continuously fall short of personal desires or expectations. In their desperation, helplessness or hopelessness, they choose to walk away from the threshold altogether. The underlying feeling is often described through victim terms such as, “They are not giving me the opportunities,” or “They don’t understand what it’s like.” Statements like these are a result of unmet expectations, realization that life beyond the threshold is too different or not what was anticipated. When we experience such things, we may come to believe that life before the threshold must also be an illusion.
I was once part of a powerhouse national team of Edgewalkers. We were all handed multi-year assignments to be agents of change for middle managers across the nation. One of the unspoken expectations for all of us was that on the other side of being a part of this team lay opportunities for advancement. We were being groomed for next-level leadership because of our qualities and abilities. Our work was in many ways an apprenticeship for management roles. For many of us, the reality was that we returned to our home departments with no advancement opportunities on the horizon. Some returned to our old positions. Many of us felt under-utilized, like our newly-sharpened skills were being wasted. Some of us walked away from their organizations, disillusioned by the assumptions that advancement opportunities would fall into our laps. Others chose to seek out advancement opportunities as possibilities to live into. The first action describes stepping away, while the second action describes stepping forward.
Thresholds of change are not a new concept or figment of the latest trend in management lingo or imagery. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) is credited with saying, “All beginnings are delightful; the threshold is the place to pause.” A more accurate translation might be “the threshold is the place of expectation.”
“All beginnings are delightful; the threshold is the place to pause.” A more accurate translation might be “the threshold is the place of expectation.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
What then are you expecting as you cross this change threshold into 2021? No seriously, stop and reflect on this question. Ask yourself, What am I expecting? Consider the question seriously. Contemplate it. Write down your thoughts.
As for me, I expect to step forward with courage, with other Edgewalkers, into uncharted waters so we can define what change will look like instead of change defining us. I expect to experience success with teams as we encounter new and changing environments, overcoming the challenges that we encounter through tenacious teamwork and ferocious commitment to excellence. Then, I expect to encourage others to join us in the deep waters of uncertainty as we seek new, innovative ways to meet the challenges of the day. This is my response. This is the way of the Edgewalker.
Donovan Mutschler, MA
For more information on the content or processes included in this article contact Donovan Mutschler at donovan@edgewalkers.ca.
[i] Akta Lakota Museum and Cultural Center and St. Joseph’s Indian School. (2020) Thirteen Lakota Moons.
[ii] Ellen, Brandy. (2017). 4 Fears That Hold Us Back in Life
[iii] Rupp, Joyce. (2008). Open the Door: A Journey to the True Self. Ave Maria Press.
Cover photo credit: Harrison Haines at Pexels
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